a strength that is not born, but built
by being abruptly confronted by all your inadequacies
the heartache that simmers at the realisation that your child will miss out
in some small way
because you can only give as much as you are
the tiring, persistent labour of ways that you are not even sure of
but hope, that if you keep trying
will bring some form of success
the purest of joy at inspiring a smile, simply by your presence
and the most precious giggle, worth hours of giggle finding activites
the amazement at seeing the little toes
and the wonder that they can possibly function the same as my own
the new light that it casts upon old habits, priorities and relationships
the struggle to evolve to this new way of seeing, perceiving and relating
the greatest desire to see only the best for your child
and the emotional control it requires not to enslave him to this false utopia
the intensity of this sudden change, that jolts you
and feels like the world is spinning
too fast,
too fast to quite catch your breath
coming to see that
at times,
he is as terrified of this new world as I am
